Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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