i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
