More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
