She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
