Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
