Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
