Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
