some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
