You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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