I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
