She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
