Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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