he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
