I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
