Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
