grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
