1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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