also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How naked do you want me to be?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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