You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
