My hand turned me down
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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