he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
