I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
