i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
