Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
