Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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