you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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