i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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