you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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