Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
