My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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