I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
