she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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