Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
