some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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