so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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