ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
