she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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