I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
