I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
