You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize