Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
