the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
