I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
