I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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