I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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