I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
