I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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