pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
