Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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