I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize