I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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