how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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