You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
