I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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