I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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