his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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