Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
