i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
