He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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