On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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