I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
