In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
