Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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