You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
