I feel like I'm in dance class right now
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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