Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
