Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
