I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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