It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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