What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
