i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
