Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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