Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
