no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
