I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
