The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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