I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
