Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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