thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
