Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
