So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
