I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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