take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
