he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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