Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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