the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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