omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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