Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just high enough for therapy.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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