my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
