she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
