i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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