so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
