Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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