i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
